It Began With A Look…

He was absolutely delicious.  Brown hair.  Normal brown.  A slight, natural wave.  Swept to the right across his forehead.  His smile….ah, his smile.  It was to die for.  Breathtaking, heart stopping.  It was just like a fairytale.  I saw him from across the room.  He managed to cross the room at an unhuman speed.  Before I knew it, he was next to me, reaching for my hand.  My heart was beating so quickly I thought he could see my shirt jumping to it’s rythm.  He was talking, but I do not remember what he said.  My ears were tuned in only to the sound of his voice and the beating of my heart.  What seemed like seconds later, we were sitting in the most beautiful log cabin, drinking hot tea.  Where did the time go?  Was this truly happening?  This must be love.  What else could it be? 

His name was Dan.  He was my Prince Charming.  There was no doubt in my mind that this would last forever.  We would grow old with each other.  We would enjoy each other’s company everyday.  Forever.  The beauty of this first relationship lasted for a long time.  It included long phone conversations, wonderful picnics in the sunshine, many visits to the log cabin, and smiles. 

I remember it as if it were yesterday.  My first love.  It all began with a look across the room.  A simple look, a common interest, and the same teacher.  You see, my first true love was in kindergarten.  Dan was all a gentleman should be.  The Little Tykes log cabin a perfect backdrop for a first date.  And to think my mom let me talk on the phone as a kindergartner! 

I will always remember my first love.  I will always remember the short lived romance in that kindergarten classroom.  And I was soon to realize how difficult love could be….how fickle…

Everyone has a story…

That’s what they say.  Everyone has a story.  Often times I consider mine to be dull and eventless.  I have never been engaged.  I have never been married.  I don’t have any kids.  I don’t own my own house.  I don’t fall in and out of love.  But my story is my story.  Mine alone.  It has every aspect that anyone’s story has, and I am venturing out on the limb of vulnerability here to share it with you.  Why am I doing this?  Why am I, a very private person who would be content in the woods, by a lake, in a cozy log cabin with her great dane, weimereiner and briard, sharing this story with you?  Because I have learned from so many other stories.  I have cried at the dullest of stories and laughed at the most serious.  I have felt hatred and fear and loneliness through the pages of my favorite authors, and I have rejoiced and celebrated with fictitious characters.  Now maybe you can experience the whole spectrum of emotions through my story. 

Right now I am in a place in my life where my personal goals far outweigh my desires for romantic love.  I’ve been in this place before.  I consider it an intersection of sorts.  Here I sit, at Contentment Corner waiting for the light to change.  But while I sit here waiting, I’m singing at the top of my lungs with my favorite radio station that just happens to be playing on the radio.  I have all the windows open, sunroof allowing warmth to cascade down my neck as the 77 degree weather envelopes me in it’s perfection.  Warm breezes, hint of honeysuckle in the air.  And I am content.  The light can stay red forever, as far as I am concerned.  But as with any story, this has been a journey.  I have just finished the longest leg of my trip down Loneliness Lane.  The rainy, dreary, desolate part of the trip where no radio station comes in clearly and the CD player is broken.  The kind of ride I hate taking by myself because there is nothing to do but mope.  I am sure I will happen upon that road again.  I am sure I will be forced off the exit by the drowsy truck driver who is not paying attention.  But for now I will enjoy the scenery, the music, the scents and the breeze.  And while I am here, let’s take a look at the beginning of my love story.  Grab a warm mug of tea, and enjoy this vicarious experience of love lost and unrequited.  It’s been a journey.

And so it begins…

Solitary Sapphire.  That name takes all that I feel about myself, squishes it all together until it forms a sort of perfection, and sets it here.  Naked. For the world to see.  Look at me, judgmental and heartless world!  I am beautiful!  I am unashamed!  I am confident on this side of my computer screen.  So why am I here, anyway?  What do I hope to share with you?  I want to share with you my experiences in….singleness.  Yes, the one thing I have dreaded my entire life.  The one thing I prayed I would never be.  Single.  And, here I am.  29 years old, single, and searching for how to handle it.  Moments go by when I think to myself, “who in their right mind would fall in love with me and want to spend the rest of their life with me?”  Other moments breeze by when I think, “I don’t ever want to have to live with a boy.  Yuck.  They are gross.”  Honest.  But when the rubber meets the road, when all is said and done, when I am the only sibling visiting mom and dad with just a suitcase, I want to share my life with someone.  I want unconditional love.  I want to be in a picture frame in my mom’s living room.  I am a closet hopeless romantic.  So, with this blog, I am going to share with you my most personal moments.  I will share with you my moments of sad loneliness and my moments of exuberant thankfulness that I am single.  I will share with you my experiences of simple crushes, internet dating mishaps, and all with one desire…to bring glory to Jesus Christ in my pursuit for purity.  Not just physical purity, but purity in my heart, my mind, and my life.  Come join with me as I reminisce my life in romance.

Sapphire colored glasses

I will be 29 years old in 4 days.

I am single.

I have no children.

I have taken a detour from my “life long career”.

I live.

I love.

I am thankful.

This is the way I see the world.  Through Sapphire Glasses.  Come try them on.  Share with me what you see.